My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
