Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
