True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
