before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
