Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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