so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
