My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
