WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
