your parents love me but you hate me
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
