I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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