Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
