I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
