yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
