Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
