OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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