I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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