theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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