he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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