I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
