but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
