I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
