You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
