dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
