But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
