I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
