he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
