look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
