We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
is wine microwaveable?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
