someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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