But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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