I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Randomize
