Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
