what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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