I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
