Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
