took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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