I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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