Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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