would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
she pinky promised me she was 18
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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