Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
