He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
