you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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