I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
