im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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