:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
