Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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