He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
