You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
