Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
