i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
