Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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