I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
