From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
